Construction/Building jokes

 Hi everyone!
Today I would like to share some construction/building/workers jokes with you. Hope you would enjoy them. You can also add some of your owns in comments section, I would really appreciate that.

Construction jokes

Two stupid carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing the siding on would pull a nail out of his pouch and look at it. Then he would either use it, or throw it over his shoulder. The other one saw him doing this, and asked, "Why are you throwing all those nails away?"

The first said, "Those nails are defective. The point is on the wrong end, pointing away from the wall." The good ones I use.

The second carpenter said, "You dope! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

Professional Baby Dragon Latex puppet (with photos)

Hi everyone! today I would like to introduce you to Dragtot, the baby dragon latex puppet. The baby dragon latex puppet is a great character for your shows, especially you would get a great feedback from the kids.

Baby dragon latex puppet

Baby Dragon latex puppet

Baby dragon latex puppet

Dragtot has a latex head, hands and feet. His beautiful wings and ears have wires in them so they can be easily adjusted.This puppet is super lightweight and full of expressions.The zipper at the bottom is a great feature for cleaning your puppet and extending its use. This puppet comes with a custom carry bag at no extra charge.

For more details and video of this puppet please go to http://www.allpropuppets.com/baby-dragon-puppet/

To stay updated about what is happening at All pro puppets like us at www.facebook.com/allpropuppets

Script for 3 Pigs latex puppets

(Scene One)
Narrator: Once there were three very peculiar, little pigs. They were brothers. One brother loved to eat, one loved to sing and dance. The other brother was, well he was practical. On this particular day two of the pigs, Higgle and Wiggle, were getting ready to build their new houses.



Higgle: (from off stage) Come on, Wiggle, get away from that window. You've already eaten six bubble gum ice cream carrots, twenty chocolate covered corn cobs, and who knows how many potato peel malts! Now stop looking at that candy in the window and come along. We must get to the fields and build our new houses. Brother Walter has almost finished his brick house and we haven't even started yet.



Wiggle: (Higgle and Wiggle enter) Walter is a boar.



Higgle: It's true. Walter doesn't even know how to sing or dance the way his very talented brother does. (Higgle begins to sing and dance around the stage) It seems to me that all Walter ever thinks about is that dumb old brick house of his. (Wiggle nods)After all, Mother split her meager fortune so that we could go out into this cruel, hard world and live better lives than her own poor, undernourished, underfed, half-starved, famished...



Wiggle: (during last speech Wiggle has begun to sob louder and louder until he finally interrupts Higgle) Ah, don't worry Mom, I'll eat a million peppermint parsnips just for you.



Higgle: There, there Wiggle. I think the parsnips will have to wait. It's time to go build our houses. Now you go that way,(gestures toward one side of the stage) and I'll go this way.(gestures toward the other side of the stage) And I'll come visit you when you've finished your house.



Wiggle: (begins to walk off his side of the stage) You know, thinking of Mom always makes me hungry. I'll start building as soon as I eat a little snack.



Higgle: (watches Wiggle walk off stage) Good luck, Wiggle. Now let's see, before a pig can find the right place to build a house, he must sing a song and dance a little dance. Build one, cha cha cha, build two, cha cha cha. (hums as he exits)



Hugo: (just as the pigs exit, Hugo pops up center stage and looks slowly from one side of the stage to the other. There you go Hugo, you very clever, masterful, marvelous, handsome and oh so hungry wolf, you. (looks at audience) Did you see those fat juicy little pigs? Um, um, um, um um! What tasty suppers they would make. (begins to pace) A plan, I must come up with a plan. (stops)I've got it! I'll use the old huff and puff trick. I bet with a little practice I'll be eating a fresh piggy for supper. (takes a loud breath and blows loudly, everything including stage shakes) Haven't lost the old touch. Well now, let's see, should I start with this pig? (starts off stage right) Or maybe that pig? (doubles back stage left)Hmmmm, oh it hardly matters, before the end of the night I'll serve them both (chuckles) to myself. (walks off same side of stage as Higgle) Here piggy, piggy. Here you cute little piggy you.
(end of scene one)



(Scene Two)

Narrator: Higgle and Wiggle worked and worked on their houses. At least they worked as hard as Higgle and Wiggle could.



Wiggle: (from off stage, sounds of hammering and Wiggle's shout as he hits and hurts his thumb. Wiggle and the house rise on stage slowly) Ouch! Well now, that's what I call a house rising. (laughs)And that's what I call a pretty fine house. (Wiggle begins inspecting house) Yep, best straw money can buy. You know, I think it's time to go inside to eat a well deserved snack. (Wiggle walks around behind house so he is not visible to audience; then goes down stage.)



Hugo: (enters, sees the house, nods to audience, looks back at house) Hummm. The question is, how does a clever wolf get the pig out of the house? Ha! I've got it. (clears throat) Ding dong, ding dong... ice cream, real fresh ice cream. Come get your ice cream while it's good and cold. Come and get it.



Wiggle: (peers out from around the house) Ice cream? (sees Hugo)Why that's a wolf, and he doesn't have any ice cream at all. He's just trying to get me out of my house so he can eat me for supper. Well, I'll show him that I'm not any dumb old pig. (yells to Hugo)Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin. Mr. Wolf, I'm going to stay here in my safe little house until you go away!



Hugo: Safe little house? (laugh) Don't make me laugh. If you won't come out then I'll have to huff and puff and blow your house down. (takes a huge breath; Wiggle should be right behind house on stage; Hugo blows and the house disappears in a very quick, straight downward motion; Wiggle is left just standing there; he looks down, looks left then right; runs off stage) Hey, no one ever told me that pigs could run. (Hugo runs after Wiggle) You big bundle of lard, you come back here right now!
(end scene 2)



(Scene Three)

Narriator: Well, it looks to me like Hugo may have a little bit harder time catching the pigs than he first thought. Let's check in on Higgle and see how he is coming along with his house.

Higgle: (standing beside twig house) Figaro, figaro, figaro...home sweet home, home sweet home, home sweet home...

Wiggle: (enters running) Higgle, oh Higgle! The wolf is after me! The wolf is after me! Where can we hide?

Higgle: Now don't you worry about a thing, little Wiggle. I've built a fine, strong house. Just come on inside and relax. No one will get us here. (while delivering the last line the two pigs disappear into Higgle's house)

Hugo: (Pops up on stage, laughs) Clever, clever wolf. By letting the first one go, I've laid a trap to catch two in one blow. Piggies, piggies, don't be clowns. If you don't come out, I'll huff and puff and I'll blow your house down. (laughs)

H & N: Not by the hair on our chinny chin chins.

Hugo: Okay kids, you asked for it. (huffs with great drama; same action as before with house disappearing in quick, clean action)You're not going to get away from me this time! (Wiggle starts to run, Hugo follows; Higgle chases them both and bumps into Hugo from the back; Hugo stops and turns around) Oh, a wise guy, huh? (takes off after Higgle; Wiggle repeats the bump in the back trick)

Wiggle: Na na na na na. (Hugo chases Wiggle off stage; Higgle follows them both; all three come running back; Hugo is in the lead and the pigs are chasing; Hugo keeps running off the stage)

Higgle: Whew! That was too close for comfort. Come on, Wiggle. Walter will know what to do. (both pigs run off stage in the opposite direction from Hugo's exit)

Hugo: (returns on stage from the same side he exited) Now where did those pigs go? (follows pigs off stage running)
(end scene three)

Walter: (standing beside his house) Let's see. I'll put the garden in over here. And the garage in over there. And... (Higgle and Wiggle enter running and out of breath)

Higgle: Oh Walter, you have to save us!

Wiggle: THE WOLF IS AFTER US....

Higgle: AND HE HUFFS AND PUFFS AND HOUSES JUST FLY ALL OVER THE PLACE!

Wiggle: Walter, he's big and ugly...and he's very hungry.

Walter: Hello Higgle, hello Wiggle. Fine weather we're having. You two seem a bit upset. Why don't you come inside and we'll talk it over. (Walter leads into the house; Higgle and Wiggle follow)

Higgle: And he was saying naughty things about pickled pig's feet.

Wiggle: And roasted pork ears. Walter, he is a very bad wolf.

Hugo: (enters laughing) Three little pigs. Count them--one, two, three. One for my appetizer, one for my main course and one just for dessert. Yum, yum, yum. (toward house) Okay, you in there. That's right, I'm talking to you pigs! Come on out. There's no reason to fight me any more. I'm too strong and powerful... not to mention hungry. So come on out right now.

All Pigs: Not by the hair of our chinny chin chins.

Hugo: (huffs and puffs with all his might)

All Pigs: (giggle loudly)

Hugo: (huffs and puffs with all his might again)

All Pigs: (giggle louder than the first time)

Hugo: (huffs and puffs with all his might one more time)

All Pigs: (giggle as loud as they can)

Hugo: (shaking with rage) Ohhh those pigs! (stops) But wait, I have an idea. (disappears off stage, sounds of grunting and groaning; he appears on top of the house from back) Hugo, you are so clever, so clever.. (goes over to chimney, looks in, looks at his own body, then back in chimney) You know, they just don't build chimneys the way they used to. Oh well, here goes. (falling sound, then ganging and chattering; wolf disappears behind house; the following chase scene takes place back stage; it can be as long and as loud as your imagination makes it)

Hugo: Come back here, you pig, you.

Higgle: Gotcha.

Hugo: Ouch, why you....

Walter: Hey, who turned out the lights?

Higgle: Gotcha.

Wiggle: Let go of me, you nit wit.

Higgle: Oh, sorry.

Hugo: Here piggy, piggy, piggy.....piggy.

All Pigs: Ah Ha. We Gotcha! (they all come out of the house, pigs are all upright and proud; Hugo is slumped over..order is Walter, Hugo, Higgle Wiggle)

Higgle: Well, what do we do with him now?

Wiggle: Why don't we build a cage and keep him for a pet?

Walter: Hold it, hold it, hold it! The only things you two are going to build are houses. And this time you are going to build them right. Understand?

Higgle: Yes Walter.

Wiggle: Yes Walter.

Walter: And as for the wolf, we are going to take him to the zoo where he can't do anyone else harm.

Hugo: (looks towards the audience) I wonder if they serve good lunches there!

Walter: Tut, tut, come along now. Let's go.

The end.

For more details about the pigs puppets please go to http://www.allpropuppets.com/baby-pigs-puppet/

Pig Latex Puppet ( With photos)

Hi everyone,
Today I would like to introduce you to my Pig latex puppet. Its another great puppet that can be used in a variety of props and skits, the pig latex puppet is also great for story telling.

Pig Latex Puppet

Pig Latex Puppet with Apron

Pig Latex Puppet

Pig mama has a latex face and hooves. This busy mom is either cooking a delicious meal or warding off a menacing wolf. You can further customize this puppet by choosing a color aprn that would be custom made for you at no extra charge. The zipper at the bottom is a great feature for cleaning the puppet and extending its use.

Pig mama is always looking for a new project and your show might just fit the bill.

For more details and video of the pig latex puppet please go to : wwwallpropuppets.com
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8 things you must know as a ventriloquist

Ventriloquism is one of the most ancient forms of entertainment which in its contemporary presentation continues to captivate and entertain modern audiences throughout the world.


Ventriloquism is an illusion; a very enjoyable, harmless illusion. Everyone knows that a little puppet can’t talk by himself. When it is alone it is nothing more than pieces of fabric and wood. But, in your hands, smiling up at you with it’s bright painted smile, and looking all around tossing wise-cracks at the audience, it will be seen as a very cute and ALIVE personality. This is because you are lending the puppet your voice, your spirit, and your wit, Your vent partner will become one of your best friends...your faithful pal.



Magic and ventriloquism have similarities. Ventriloquism is to the ear what magic is to the eye. The illusion of magic is made possible because "the hand is quicker than the eye." Both art forms are made possible
through misdirection.



The human ear has difficulty judging accurately the direction of sound. Knowing this fact, the ventriloquist furthers the illusion with some act, word, or gesture that directs the attention of his audience to the place from which he wants them to believe the sound was produced. It’s all very convincing and believable to the listener and some will even argue that they actually heard the voice come from the puppet’s mouth! You, however, know the truth - the voice cannot be actually thrown to some point apart from yourself.



Ventriloquism has always been a mysterious and fascinating ART. History records the art being practiced centuries ago in the ancient temples and places of religious worship. Some ventriloquist historians feel the Old Testament account of the Witch of Endor involves the ancient practice of ventriloquism.



Most people think the ventriloquist has a throat or voice box that is capable of doing something that ordinary people are unable to do. While this is not true, it has certainly helped keep the secret of the art from being learned by more than just a select few people.



Like any other art or subject that requires study and practice for accomplishment, so does the art of ventriloquism. The student must have a very sincere desire to learn and dedication to the task. You will need to give these lessons and their instructions your focused thought and undivided attention. It is extremely important that you do the exercises as directed. This will be a team effort with you doing your part while we assist as needed to insure your success.



When the Ventriloquist holds the vent figure (dummy) on his knee or lap, or has placed it on a vent stand next to himself and makes it appear and sound as though the figure is alive, this is called "NEAR Ventriloquism." But if the ventriloquist is standing on one side of the stage and makes it sound as if the figure is calling from its suitcase which is sitting on the far opposite side of the stage, this is called "DISTANT Ventriloquism.

Courtesy: Maher Ventriloquist Course
Link: http://mahercourse.blogspot.com/

Monkey Latex Puppet Script

Hi everybody!
Few days ago I shared some photos and description of my baby monkey latex puppet, I got a very positive feedback and I thank you all for visiting the blog.
Today I am going to share a script that can be used with the monkey latex puppet. Those who have missed the previous post can click HERE to get it.

Monkey Latex puppet script

Characters: Narrator, Chimpo (Boy Monkey puppet which makes a noise when you hit his nose), Sneeze-a-lot (Girl Monkey)



Props: Bananas, banana skins (the rest can be pretend)



Note: Words in quotation marks are spoken by the Narrator to the puppets or on behalf of the puppets.



Narrator: Once upon a time, in a deep, dark part of the jungle in Cambodia, there lived two little monkeys, Chimpo and Sneeze-a-lot.



“Chimpo! Chimpo!” Can you kids help me call out his name so we can find him?



(eventually Chimpo shows up, dancing around with a banana skin on his head until he falls over and his banana skin goes flying into the audience) “Chimpo, what have you been doing? You silly monkey!” (narrator taps Chimpo on the nose, and Chimpo says “Ouch” and shakes his head – this happens every time we say the words “you silly monkey”) Kids, can you say hello to Chimpo? Let’s say, “Hello Chimpo, you silly monkey” (as they do, the narrator taps Chimpo on the nose again, “Ouch”).



That was kind of fun! Shall we do that again? “Chimpo, you silly monkey” (taps him again, and again he says “Ouch”, maybe repeat this a few times if you get a good reaction)



“Chimpo, have you been getting yourself into trouble yet again?” (shakes his head).



Yes, as you can see, Chimpo was nearly always getting himself into trouble. Now when you’re getting into trouble, you always need someone sensible who can help you get out of trouble!



(Sneeze-a-lot comes out with a beautiful ribbon around her head and a big bow). “Hello Sneeze-a-lot” (she delicately waves and blows the narrator a kiss).



Sneeze-a-lot was Chimpo’s friend. She’s such a nice monkey isn’t she? Kids, can you say hello to Sneeze-a-lot, “Hello Sneeze-a-lot. What a lovely monkey!”



Now, Sneeze-a-lot and Chimpo both really like bananas (monkeys jump up and down when shown bananas). Does anyone here like bananas?



Well, Sneeze-a-lot had been asking Chimpo for a very long time when he was going to ask her over to his tree to eat bananas (Sneeze-a-lot makes signs like she’s asking to come over).



But Chimpo didn’t want her to come over because he was very messy and he didn’t want his friend Sneeze-a-lot to see how messy his tree was (Chimpo shakes his head, NO).



Then one day, Sneeze-a-lot said to Chimpo, “Stop being such a silly monkey!” (she taps him on the nose) What did she say? (kids repeat “Stop being such a silly monkey!”, tap Chimpo’s nose each time). That’s right. Sneeze-a-lot said to Chimpo “Stop being such a silly monkey! (taps his nose again) I’m sick of waiting and I’m coming over to your tree today at 10 o’clock. We’re going to eat bananas together, and you’re going to show me where you live.” (Sneeze-a-lot acts like she’s telling Chimpo off)



Well, as you can imagine, Chimpo was very worried about this (starts shaking and acting very scared) … but he knew better than to argue with Sneeze-a-lot.



He hardly had any time! He ran back to his tree and started to clean up a little (frantically runs around pretending to clean up). But before long, he heard Sneeze-a-lot’s voice saying, “Chimpo! Chimpo! I’m here! I’m coming up and I hope you’ve got those bananas ready!”



There was no time left. Chimpo couldn’t do anything else to clean up his messy tree. So he just sat down and waited for Sneeze-a-lot to climb up … which only took a second … you know how fast monkeys can climb!



When she arrived, the first thing she said was, “You have a lovely view from your tree Chimpo. I can’t believe how long it’s taken you to invite me over to your tree to eat bananas! But before we start eating, I’d like a tour of your tree because I’ve never been here before!”



Well, Chimpo knew better than to argue with Sneeze-a-lot so he said, “OK” and started the tour.



“This is where I sleep,” he said, pointing to one part of his tree. “And over here …”



But Sneeze-a-lot interrupted him and said, “You sleep on a big pile of banana skins?”



Chimpo was a little bit embarrassed, “Well, I had breakfast in bed today.”



“Hmmm,” said Sneeze-a-lot. “You really are a silly monkey! (taps him on the nose) You shouldn’t leave your food scraps in your bed because they go all yucky and can make you sick! Take those outside right now!”



So Chimpo cleaned up his bedroom and threw all the old smelly banana skins out of his tree.



“That’s much better,” said Sneeze-a-lot. “Now, let’s continue the tour.”



The next part of Chimpo’s tree they came to was his table. Now, let me tell you about Chimpo’s table! It had lots of dirty banana leaves stacked up as high as the next branch, with food scraps and little bugs crawling all over them … and it was really, really smelly!



Sneeze-a-lot said to Chimpo, “This is a mess! Don’t you ever clean up your table? Don’t you know how sick you can get from leaving this big mess here, you silly monkey (taps his nose again). You need to clean this up too!”



So Chimpo cleaned up his table, and threw all the old, smelly banana leaves out of his tree.



“That’s much better,” said Sneeze-a-lot. “Now, let’s continue the tour.”



“Well, there’s not much else to show you,” said Chimpo. “I only have a small tree … but it has a great view! How about we eat some yummy bananas now?”



By now, Sneeze-a-lot was getting really hungry so she said, “That sounds great Chimpo. Where can I wash my hands?”



“Well,” said Chimpo, “There’s a little stream just over there that you can use but why do you want to wash your hands? They look clean to me!”



Sneeze-a-lot was horrified and said, “Do you mean to tell me you don’t wash your hands before every meal, you silly monkey (taps his nose again). That’s so yucky! Don’t you know you can get very sick unless you wash your hands before every meal? You are such a silly monkey (taps his nose again).”



So both Sneeze-a-lot and Chimpo climbed down the tree, went over to the stream, and washed their hands.



“Now,” said Sneeze-a-lot as she and Chimpo climbed back up Chimpo’s tree. “Isn’t that much better? Let’s eat!”



“OK,” said Chimpo, “But I really need to go to the toilet first otherwise I might burst!”



By now, Sneeze-a-lot was even more hungry so she said, “Well, OK. But hurry up – I haven’t eaten for a long time and I’m really hungry for some yummy bananas.”



So Chimpo went over to where he had all his bananas and squatted down. Sneeze-a-lot was watching.



“Hey Chimpo. What are you doing?” she said. “I thought you were going to the toilet?”



“I am,” said Chimpo. “Can’t you give a little monkey some peace and quiet? I need to concentrate!”



Well, poor Ngala was just horrified! “Chimpo! I can’t believe you’re going to the toilet right next to the bananas we’re about to eat! You silly silly monkey (taps his nose many times). Don’t you know how sick you can get if you go to the toilet where you eat your food? Yucky yucky yucky!”



Chimpo stopped what he was doing and came back over to Sneeze-a-lot, “I’m sorry,” he said. “Sometimes I get hungry when I’m going to the toilet so I thought it might be nice to eat a few bananas at the same time. Maybe I’ll use my outside toilet from now on.”



Little Chimpo climbed down his tree and went off to find his other toilet while Sneeze-a-lot cleaned up the mess in his house. Because even though Chimpo said he’d cleaned things up, he really didn’t do a very good job.



First of all, she cleaned up where he was sleeping and made sure there weren’t any food scraps left, then she cleaned his table and threw out the mess he’d left behind. And lastly, she cleaned up where he had been going to the toilet.



When she’d finished all this cleaning, she climbed down out of the tree, went over to the stream, and washed her hands again just to make sure they were clean.



She arrived back just in time to find Chimpo sitting down in his beautifully clean tree. “Now can we eat some bananas? I even washed my hands on the way back!” said Chimpo.



“Yes,” said Sneeze-a-lot, “I think we’re ready to eat. Where you sleep is clean, where you eat is clean, we’ve both washed our hands, and where you go to the toilet is nowhere near your food … we’re ready.”



“OK good,” said Chimpo. “I don’t suppose you brought any bananas did you? I had a closer look when I was trying to go to the toilet the first time and all the ones I have are too green to eat!”



And can you guess what Sneeze-a-lot said? That’s right, “Chimpo!! You are a SILLY MONKEY! SILLY, SILLY SILLY!” (taps his nose each time).





- END -